On Health Care: George Carlin Called It | by Sean Murphy - Medium Pointless careerism? A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. George Carlin, 16. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked. They don't give a fuck about you. You know why? You don't need ten. the government doesn't care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare or your safety. No problem. That's why we have a drug problem, I feel; it's because everyone has access to drugsit's all those DRUG stores, right? They don't fall out of the sky. They call them the. This entire country is completely full of shit, and, Clinton might be full of shit, but at least he lets ya know it! I believe the government should step in where the free market fails. I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. You dont see a chicken strapping some guy to a chair and hooking up his nuts to a car battery, do you? Quote by George Carlin: "Forget the politicians. The politicians are Happened like that. You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you're generally promiscuous. There are battered husbands. Call me! George Carlin was one of the most well-known and beloved comedians of all time. What are your favorite George Carlin quotes? "I don't believe anything the government tells me." - George Carlin 02. I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. Maybe this time it'll work. The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions. George Carlin, 87. "GIMME THAT, IT'S MINE!" For twelve dollars. He was a "political" comic the way George Orwell was a "political" writer. Here are 51 quotes from the late comedian that show him at his best hilarious, irascible and never satisfied with the state of society. But where do people think these politicians come from? Thats the problem., I call him Governor Bush because thats the only political office hes ever held legally in this country., Political correctness is Americas newest form of intolerance, and it is especially pernicious because it comes disguised as tolerance., Forget the politicians. '""I have solved this political dilemma in a very direct way: I don't vote. I'd like to repeat that, because it sounds *vaguely* important! Its never going to get any better. That would be a nice realistic campaign slogan for somebody: "The public sucks. Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. Now there is another phrase I dearly love. But he does sell drugs to your honor student. The planet doesn't need that. 4. But he can't say, "I think he hurt his balls on that play, Tony, don't you?". And of course this country is founded on the double standard, that's our history! Theyre privileges. People who have large gums and small teeth. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. When a business man sits down to negotiate a deal, the first thing he does is to automatically assume that the other guy is a complete lying prick who's trying to fuck him outta his money. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. They say rather than cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Think about it: religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. Now we're really going to get even: we're sending experts to show them how to run their economy. You know what they want? George Carlin : It's the only metaphor we have in our public discourse for solving a problem; it's called declaring a war. The CIA doesn't kill anybody anymore, they, I have certain rules I live by. I dont have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. And the other two-way word is "prick". Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that. George Carlin, 24. Tell him you've been coming there for 10 years and none of your wishes have come true. Yours for the asking, no purchase necessary, it's our way of saying thank you. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. So at best the sanctity of life is kind of a selective thing. He was also known for his outspoken views on government and politics. Governments dont want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation. Little kids would be afraid of "the boogieperson". But what's the alternative? Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. Now, some people like to twist that around. I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. I think that speaks for itself. At least he's honest about being, Everybody knows by now, all businessmen are completely full of shit; just the worst kind of low-life, criminal, cocksuckers you could ever wanna' run into a fuckin' piece of shit businessman. I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. Im not sure thats the way to fight discrimination. George Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic and author. That's all it is. And for billions and billions of years, the Divine Plan has been doing just fine. Doesn't happen often. Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. Let's face it, we have very little to work with. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. You know how I define the economic and social classes in this country? But dont participate; it will be your death. Sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize: the government does not give a fuck about them. Below youll find the best collection of George Carlin quotes. These people were given. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. It's called "fucking with people! ", "One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. Thats all it is. Deal with it. Ask an addict. Not a word. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, 41. 34. In America, anyone can become president. Everyone says they suck. I can't wait for some of these cities to disappear. A flag is supposed to represent everything that a country does. Never join a group that has a name. (154), Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. Long time ago, God made a Divine Plan. Put it in your pocket and go the fuck home, you're a winner! The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he. Im a loyal American and Im not happy unless I let government and industry poison me a little bit every day. That is a true oxymoron if I've ever heard one . The sanctity of life doesn't seem to apply to cancer cells, does it? Pretty neat deal, huh? George Carlin > Quotes > Quotable Quote - Goodreads How can [God] be perfect? If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. Electricity is really just organized lightning. What a ratio that is: 399,993 to 7. On Election Day, I stay home. What George Carlin Believed About Religion I've also grown weary of reading about clouds in a book. Let me get a sip of water hereyou figure this stuff is safe to drink? Next time you are at the computer, get on the Internet, go to Wikipedia. This is an outmoded idea. They're doing amphetamines. Did you ever stop to think about all the people we kill? ""Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. That's all we've ever had in this country, is a bill of temporary privileges. Nitwits, assholes, fuckups, scumbags, jerkoffs, and dipshits. You have owners. George Carlin, 84. Theres no present. Broadly speaking. 24. In this blog post, weve compiled some of his most compelling quotes on the subject for you to consider as well! I never fucked a 10, but one night I fucked 5 twos! The truth is, we dont have people like that. Im not sure silencing people or forcing them to alter their speech is the best method for solving problems that go much deeper than speech. George Carlin, 62. You know why? And the sad part is, is that most people seem to have been indoctrinated to believe that bullshit only comes from certain places, certain sources: advertising, politics, salesmen not true. And there's no shortage of volunteers; everyone complains about politicians. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. People are fucking nuts. So maybe it's not the politicians who suck; maybe it's something else. Uber is a mobile app that hails cabs for you. Some people don't want you to mention certain things. George Carlin - Wikispooks "You give us a color, we'll wipe it out! Then you become a baby, and then You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions central heating, room service on tap, and then You finish off as an orgasm. I don't believe in road rage; I prefer the gentle rebuke. All right, that's enough of that. That way, perhaps we can add our own special, obscene imprint to Christmas in Midtown.". And Bushis pushing this country farther down the hill, faster than anyone has before. What we need is a king, and every now and then if the kings not doing a good job, we kill him. Something I could really count on. You have owners. And, of course, the funniest food: "kumquats". I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took the group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan Administration. "Thy Will Be Done." A Boy Scout master who owns a dildo shop. They can't stand the fact that they might have been stupid enough to have lost something. Believe me, my friend. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked." "Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. How do school teachers handle this? I leave that to others. Now there is another phrase I dearly love. ""The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post 'Thou shalt not steal,' 'Thou shalt not commit adultery,' and 'Thou shalt not lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. Think of the intellect it must take to derive pleasure from this activity: Hitting a ball with a crooked stickand walking after it! ", So about 80 years after the Constitution is ratified, the slaves are freed. Overnight I became a sun-worshiper. Keeping it and expanding it wherever possible. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, 43. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that shit. For myself, I have solved this political dilemma in a very direct way. You don't have to bring flowers. Save the planet! I love that. Live and let live. War is a whole lot of men standing out on a field waving their pricks at one another. What's the use of being God if every run-down shmuck with a two-dollar prayer book can come along and fuck up Your Plan? Nothing left. The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves. George Carlin, 33. it simply doesn't give a fuck about you. Because if everything is really the fault of politicians, where are all the bright, honest, intelligent Americans who are ready to step in and replace them? Now I feel better. A man in a hospital gown directing traffic. In America, anyone can become president. Carlin, who was known for spewing critical rhetoric against the government, organized religion and big business, first delivered the quote during his 2005 HBO comedy special, Life Is Worth Losing . "Life is sacred"? Carlin was known for his dark comedy and reflections on politics, religion, psychology, language and taboo subjects. A person of good intelligence and of sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality and its not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of a thing it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the street. George Carlin, 68. They will do anything for the unborn. George Carlin Shitting on GovernmentBuy Me a Pizzahttps://www.buymeacoffee.com/LaughPlGEORGE CARLINhttps://www.youtube.com/user/OfficialGeorgeCarlin/feedGeor. 25. And if you read the news even badly, you know that every year the list gets shorter and shorter. The FCC, an appointed body, not elected, answerable only to the president, decided on its own that radio and television were the only two parts of American life not protected by the first amendment to the Constitution. Is that such a strange notion. Theyre always people who tell us to live together in harmony and try to love one another: Jesus, Gandhi, Lincoln, John Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, Medgar Evers, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, John Lennon. You realize that most of the right-to-lifers are in favor of the DEATH penalty? Required fields are marked *. No contest! Don't you love that phrase? Or 'I brake for advanced melanoma'. Anything differentthat's what they're gonna talk aboutrace, religion, ethnic and national background, jobs, income, education, social status, sexuality, anything they can do to keep us fighting with each other, so that they can keep going to the bank! Let's go for a drive OK? They want me to call that thing in the street a "person-hole cover;" I think that's taking it a little bit too far. Catholic kids are stupid; they don't know how to handle a pedophile priest. George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. "Well, it's God's will." Its disgusting, man. They want obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. If you vote, and you elect dishonest, incompetent politicians, and they get into office and screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. Carlin got famous for his bit about the "words you can't say on television," but his legacy speaks of so much more, wisdom and wit that deserve to live on through the ages. There are over seventeen thousand golf courses in America, they average over one hundred and fifty acres a piece. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think. George Carlin, 28. "Undisputed heavyweight champion." Religion is nothing but mind control. "Do you believe in. Lets get started! I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. So we keep ourselves limited. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, 53. '""The difference between left and right of centeroriginated in the Frenchparliament. They don't care about the planet in theory. Produced by Will Reid and Michael Simon Johnson. In civilian life you go to jail for giving someone an orgasm! No cash? If I can be of any help to you on your journey I'll do my best. But they take it too far, they take themselves too seriously, they exaggerate. Living in this country, you're bound to know, every time you're exposed to advertising, you realize once again that America's leading industry, America's most profitable business is still: the manufacture, packaging, distribution and marketing of bullshit. Are people's lives so bankrupt they sit at home looking at things they already DID? Be happy with what youve got, because the owners of this country dont want that. When else are you gonna record it, afterwards? Where are these people hiding? Thats the problem. The original quote is, "We make ourselves miserable by first closing ourselves off from reality and then collecting this and that in an attempt to make ourselves happy by possessing happiness. Well who has less abortions than homosexuals? 'Cause I got to tell you the truth, folks: when it comes to bullshit - big-time, major-league bullshit - you have to stand in awe, in AWE of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. I gave up on this stuff. Its a fucking sacrilege! They own all the important land. Stop that! You want somethin' hot to suck on? What the fuck do white people have to be blue about? It sounds like this: What, they have bigger dicks? Life is a zero sum game. George Carlin, 36. I took his shoes. I'm tired of this shit being presented in the context of real news. Were so self-important. A group of slave owners who wanted to be free! Here's another question I have. 7. I, on the other hand, who did not vote -- who did not even leave the house on Election Day -- am in no way responsible for what these politicians have done and have every right to complain about the mess that you created.". Theyve long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the State houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. George Carlin, 63. If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air. George Carlin, 54. Updated on May 30, 2018. According to these guys, Jesus is undefeated, meanwhile these assholes are in last place. I decided to look around for something else to worship. They own all the important land. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity. Another failed mutation, another closed-end biological mistake. (224), Many people work on war plans; not too many work on peace plans.
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